Plotting
by sitopanaki
Summary: ONESHOT. Vernon and Petunia found a baby on their doorstep. What should they do with it? Is there any point in keeping it? Surely not.


**Plotting **

It had been a great shock for him when Petunia told him of the baby she'd found on their doorstep. It had been an even greater shock when she had told him that she intended to keep it.

He had thought this shock couldn't be topped by anything. He was wrong. Petunia also told him that this baby on their doorstep was a wizard. And not just any wizard – it was a famous wizard, the one who had vanished Lord Voldemort.

Well, Vernon thought, this couldn't have been a very prominent or powerful "Lord". He'd never heard of him. He knew which people were famous and important and which weren't. Lord Voldemort had never been on TV, therefore he couldn't be important. Therefore this boy on their doorstep couln't be important. Therefore there was no point in keeping him.

His only wproblem was that Petunia seemed to have a totally different opinion. She had found that boy this morning and she also claimed she had received the letter she was swishing in front of his nose. That letter. That letter seemed to be his problem. Because whatever it said, Petunia believed it. Vernon suspected that without this letter, she would dump this boy on the next landfill.

"So, what does that letter say?" he asked, hoping both to remove the letter from under his nose and to make the boy disappear.

"It said that we have to keep him," Petunia answered, distaste etched into her voice. Apparently, she didn't like the prospect of adopting this kid, but still she seemed determined to do so.

"I won't keep that thing in my house. They can't do anything about it," he growled, watching Dudley out of the corner of his eye. Dudley was big for his age and Vernon was very proud of this. One day, Dudley would be a fine man, just like his father.

"You will," Petunia said determinedly. Vernon was surprised. He had only on few occasions seen Petunia use that voice. This letter-boy-thing really seemed to worry her a lot. "I don't want to endanger my little Diddykins."

"How can a letter hurt him?"

"Do you know who wrote this letter?" Petunia asked hysterically. "A wizard! He could come here at any time and hex Dudley! We're not safe if we don't take him in!"

She had a point. Vernon didn't think a lot of that boy's parents, nor of wizards in general. But as suspicious as they were, they could do magic. And that frightened him. He couldn't defend himself – or his family – against them. Shouting wouldn't help and alerting the police wouldn't either. Wizards were dangerous people. And the less dangerous people there are, the better.

"So we have to keep him?"

"Yes." Petunia had calmed down a little. "Yes, I'm afraid we have to."

"Hm." The less wizards the better. "What do we tell him when he grows up?"

Petunia looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "There's not much we could tell him. I'll give him this letter and send him off to this freak school. The less I have to see that boy the better."

"Don't you think …" Vernon cleared his throat. "Don't you think it would benefit the whole world if there were less wizards? Dodgy folk, the lot of them." He saw Petunia's eyes narrow on him. "I mean – look at them. They're good for nothing. They live from what we produce and what do we get back from them? They're doing their magic tricks on us, they're laughing at us."

"You mean you want to keep him – forever?"

Wait a moment. FOREVER? That sounded like a very long time. It _was_ a very long time. Did he really say that? Vernon was surprised by himself. He wasn't usually one to do the world a favour. Well, he mused, there was always time to start with that.

"Er .. yes. But we won't tell him he's a wizard," Vernon said smugly. His plan sounded very well to his ears.

"Why …?"

"It's very simple, Petunia. If he doesn't know he's a wizard, they can't get him. They can't take him to that Grogwash school and he won't get trained. One wizard less for the world to bear."

Petunia fell silent for a while, apparently considering. Vernon leaned back in his chair, drowning his morning coffee. Dudley came to him and Vernon picked him up, propping him on his lap. He knew Petunia watched her son constantly, so he made Dudley laugh. This would probably suffice to persuade Petunia to take him up on his plan.

"Well … I suppose you're right," Petunia finally said. "But what do we tell him?"

"Somethig harmless would be fine. Something common. Let's say his parents died in a car crash and ungratefully left him. And we took pity and adopted him."

"Are you sure this works?" Petunia asked doubtfully. "I mean –"

"Think, Petunia," Vernon interrupted her. "He's a wizard. He can't be intelligent. He'll never find out. Everything's going to be okay. We shut him into the broom cupboard and he won't even bother us."

It did sound like a good plan. It was bound to work. Vernon had never been a great plotter, but this plan just sounded marvellous. There was no way it could go wrong.


End file.
